I believe in the power of art and music to penetrate our psyches and to deeply and forever change us.
Like sexuality, art can be treated as a “luxury,” as an addendum or a side-note to real life and real concerns.
I pledge, rather, that art, music and sexuality are central to our journey as humans and therefore can uplift us, change the trajectory of our thinking and our lives, and can cause deep realizations that will not come from intellectual thought or everyday living devoid of creative input.
Sexual energy and creative energy are the fuel that propels the life force inside of us into motion and our lives into form. We are here to create, because life flows from what we create, whether it is a relationship, a family, a beautiful work of art, a film, a moving piece of music, a community, a movement.
The most magical human intercourse is the way our creations impact other human beings.
Part of the magic of art is that we may never meet the person who created it, yet if we experience something rich through their work of art or cultural creation, they have touched us, and we have connected.
We long for this connection with others and the legacy that can result.
Over the holiday weekend, I fasted, taking time to empty out, to be introspective, to pray and meditate, and to create. I wanted to take in the creative blueprint of another and went with a friend to see a film that will forever change me.
Call Me By Your Name.
Call Me By Your Name. Even the title invites introspection, some greater meaning.
I will keep spoilers to minimum, but I want to talk about why this film impacted me so deeply. It was a sort of gay Summer of ’69, but it takes place in Italy in the 80s. Oh the fashion! It is the story of 17-year-old Elie, and his professor father and loving mother, who spend summers on holiday at a beautiful house in a northern Italian township. A scholar named Oliver comes to work with the professor for the summer, and though he be arrogant, Elie goes from repulsed, to intrigued, to having deep love for him.
Oliver and Elie struggle a bit. Oliver communicates boundaries, while acknowledging the attraction. Elie is feverishly head-over-heels and they spend time building an intimacy that is rare to see depicted so believably on film.
The result is a journey of sexual discovery for Elie, with many aspects of his budding sexual agency and awakening flourishing at once. His self-exploration leads to a brilliant masturbation scene unlike any I have ever seen in a film—so brilliant, so real and raw, I was breathless. I will say no more, but that scene alone is worth seeing the film, until that is, the final conversation between the boy and his father, which might be the best scene I have ever seen in a film. Ever. Seriously. Ever.
(okay, spoiler alert)
At the end of the summer when Oliver leaves and Elie is heartbroken, his father sits him down to acknowledge his feelings in a way we could all only dream a parent would.
This scene is the speech every gay person wishes their parent would say to them, the love and tender understanding we all wish a parent would offer, a true balm for the heart no matter who you are.
My face was slick with tears throughout this scene. The theatre was silent, transfixed.
The gift the father offers is the permission to feel the whole of our feelings, to be fully in our love and in our grief, to be so glad for our ability to feel so deeply. It was as real as could be—impossible these were only characters, they were so sincere, so present and so genuine.
In short, this is a perfect film. Brilliant writing, perfect casting, astounding acting, rich intimacy, beautiful cinematography, I could go on and on. And that scene. I want to watch that scene over and over again. The ultimate revelation of love deeply felt, and therefore, as deeply painful.
I want everyone to see this film. It is a film that will change you.
We all want to be able to love so fully, so authentically.
We want real intimacy like these two men had.
Their age did not matter. Their love was honest and moving.
Why “Call Me By Your Name”? I think because as gay people, part of the love we want is to see an image of ourselves in another. To call another woman by my name, allows me to see a reflection of myself, of my beauty and my love in another human. We all seek to see images of ourselves in others, so that we might love ourselves more deeply.
This is one of the great gifts art, film and books give us: it depicts real characters that might represent us in some way, allow us to be seen, and therefore to be able to more deeply understand ourselves through the journey of another. What a beautiful gift.
Let art change you. Let music move you. Let creation flow though you.
The next day I felt the urge to paint, though I am not really a painter. I went out and bought some supplies and I spent hours listening to music and making a watercolor, creating in my own little world, because even if the art is just for me, the process of creation taps into the part of myself that is most authentic and longs to create more life in this world.
We all want to leave something, to give something, to make something meaningful.
We are creators. We are makers. Whether we are making love, making art, or making war. We choose how we use this powerful erotic impulse that drives us towards creation. The more we learn how to use the tools, the more contribution we can offer.
So I’m going to take an art class. And if you want to learn some sexual tools, call me.
I’m up to things. That’s my artform, that’s my gift.
Loving you, loving me,
P.S. We are taking applications for our sexual empowerment and training programs for 2018 now. Please apply if you know this is your year. I’ve met too many people who waited decades before they got what they needed to live fully realized sexual lives. Don’t go that route. There is almost always some regret about that.
Life is happening now, and the support is here.
If you’re ready, even if you’re a little scared, we want you in our community.
For the Fire Woman Virtual Program, apply here.
For my live intensive deep-dive retreats, apply here.
For my Cervix Warriors Professional Training, apply here.
Not sure, but want to talk and figure it out together? That’s totally fine, just click here.