fbpx
FREE EMAIL SERIES

FREE EMAIL SERIES

7 Tips Sexual Empowerment Course for Busy Adults

Free sexual empowerment course that’s custom made for busy people. 7 days, 2 minutes per day and easily applied to everyday life and relationships.

January 14, 2022
Uncategorized

“Cheating” is Not a Black and White Affair

When a person experiences the infidelity of a partner in a relationship, it can really rock their world. Finding out your lover transgressed the commitments they made to you and to your relationship can feel like a big betrayal. Women often go into a place of inadequacy (Why wasn’t I enough?), comparison (What does she have that I don’t?), victimization (Why did they do this to me?), insecurity (totally understandable—the relationship does feel unstable at that point) and low self-worth (I’m not enough).

Being “cheated on” sucks. Especially if you have been putting your all into the relationship, working on improving it and showing up fully. To find out your partner was lying and not showing up with you feels lonely and even despairing. Yet, often, it’s a wake up call for how much both people were not fully showing up.

Many women come to me in my sexual empowerment coaching practice and disclose either having been cheated on or having had an affair themselves. I don’t judge people for having affairs. There is not a blanket meaning to attach to an affair (although from the way the culture treats affairs, you would think so). Affairs relate to many things and they are always an opportunity to learn and grow.

back to back couple

We tend to do our deepest emotional work when a breach happens: a crisis, a traumatic event or a rupture that forces us to look at what is really going on within us and in our relationships. Affairs are a common way people are forced to face how they are living and relating. Each player has a role in an affair. People who have been cheated on often don’t like to hear this if their victim self is being activated. We all have that victim part of ourselves and we all have to keep it in check because it will never empower us. The victim self thinks things and life happen to us and that we have no control or agency in what happens to us. However, there is a deep grief and sadness that is natural for someone whose partner cheated, lied and hid. There is a true loss and a deep disenfranchisement from the love they thought they had. And you may have it, just not in the form you thought you did. It takes time to move through that deep grief and anger, and it can ultimately be productive, no matter how painful it is now.

When an affair is disclosed, after the initial shock, anger or rupture, it’s important to get down to work. What was this affair really about? READ MORE >>

Photo Credit:
Helga Weber
Tina Franklin
FREE EMAIL SERIES

FREE EMAIL SERIES

7 Tips Sexual Empowerment Course for Busy Adults

Free sexual empowerment course that’s custom made for busy people. 7 days, 2 minutes per day and easily applied to everyday life and relationships.

A’magine, formerly Amy Jo Goddard is author of Woman on Fire: Nine Elements to Wake up Your Erotic Energy, Personal Power and Sexual Intelligence and co-author of the best-selling classic Lesbian Sex Secrets for Men. She earned her Master’s degree in Human Sexuality Education at New York University and has been teaching and speaking about feminism and sexuality for over two decades.

MORE ABOUT A’MAGINE

The Sneaky Beast of Unworthiness

I have not felt a conscious lack of self-worth much in my life, as I have always had a healthy amount of self-confidence, know-how, go-get-‘em energy, ability, and a long list of accomplishments.   Yet there is more—more that I want and...

5 Reasons Why Most People Lack Sexual Confidence

When I ask people what they most want for their sexual lives, they often say they really want more confidence. Helping people to build confidence is a huge part of my work with clients, and it’s a huge result of the work we do. So why do most people seem to...

Love is an Action

Last week we said goodbye to my grandfather as he went to the next world. Some family members showed up and some didn’t. As we were talking about how sweet it was to be together, I said that I believe love is an action that starts with how you show up. Love is a...
0 Comments